Rahul
I found out about The Greenhouse online. I was looking for help as I was drinking a bottle of wine a day, almost every day. The drinking habit had developed over six or seven years. At one point my life revolved around just getting the next drink – in hawker centres, while waiting for flights in airports, at social gatherings, even in parks. Often I was the only person drinking at the meal or event. I had also just lost a job and a relationship.
Photograph: Upsplash.com
My main concern in seeking help was whether the recovery program would actually help me get sober. A secondary concern was whether The Greenhouse would be a safe space. How tough will the crowd be? In truth, there is a diversity of personalities at The Greenhouse, as one might expect of any place, but perhaps more so given that many of us are trauma survivors. But it was also through programs at The Greenhouse that I learnt the importance of setting and maintaining boundaries – a helpful skill to have wherever I go!
I haven’t had a sip of alcohol in the past 87 days as I write this – a miracle! - which I am especially proud of since it was achieved during lockdown while living with a difficult housemate. Last week I finished reading a 450-page novel, which I don’t think I would have if I were still drinking.
The Greenhouse has been helpful to me through the meetings it facilitates. Hearing people share gave me insights and helped me to feel less alone. Meetings are part of my life now. I used to feel a bit like a loser attending meetings, like, ‘so this is where desperate people go’. Well, I was desperate. At the same time I love myself enough to not let self-judgment impede my recovery. Now, I enjoy meetings more than many social gatherings.
The Greenhouse has helped me become a happier and more confident gay man. I learnt about the invalidation, hypervigilance, internalised homophobia and low self-esteem affecting gay men and which are very true for me. I’ve also learnt how to ride sentiments such as physical attraction and need for affirmation with maturity and commitment to sobriety.
Rahul, 34