Han

He said it was sheesha and I naively believed him. 

Photograph: Upsplash.com

I was facing some problems at work and tend to use sex as a quick fix to help me get away from my problems. Then things took a turn for the worse when I met this guy who was an addict. He said it was sheesha and I naively believed him. I had no idea that what I was ‘puffing’ was actually meth. That was how I got introduced to drugs. Initially, I was using drugs once a week. Then it progressed to twice a week. And it became consecutive nights, even when I had to go to work the next morning. My life started to become unmanageable.

The wake-up call came when a close relative was caught by the authorities for using drugs. In my fear of getting caught, I frantically googled for recovery centers in Singapore and found The Greenhouse's website. It was promoted as an addiction recovery centre for queer individuals; I didn't hesitate to email them directly.

From my very first session, the people at The Greenhouse had been very welcoming. I remember I was about 15 minutes late and upon entering the room of 25 people, the chairperson was at the question ‘is there anyone attending their first session or just coming back from a relapse?” I raised my hand, and everyone clapped and cheered! It was slightly awkward but I instantly felt at ease. At that same meeting, I found out that the members were celebrating a fellow member’s one-year milestone and there was refreshment for everybody. 

In the first two months, I was quite a reserved individual and didn't really like to share my experience with others in the room. I later realised that I was not living life on life’s terms and decided to make a conscious effort to work the programme. I had learnt that my recovery process was a personalised one - one that addressed the underlying root cause of my addiction and now have in my pocket seven months of ‘clean’ time. 

The Greenhouse is a safe haven for the LGBT community. If it weren't for the support of my peers who are my mentors and buddies in recovery, I don’t think I would have the courage to seek recovery. For that, I am grateful.

Han, 28, Cisgender gay male